My Apocalyptic Autobiography

I was asked (OK, maybe I volunteered) to talk about apocalyptic in a colleague's class on Christian Traditions.  I decided to approach the topic through the lens of my experience growing up in an evangelical Christian context, surrounded by apocalyptic and millenarian thinking and conversations. Here are some pieces of that presentation.

The picture on the left is my mom and me (it's actually probably 1973, but that's as close as I could come). My mom, one of the first college graduates in her family and an elementary school librarian, was a very observant Christian.  She was always interested in learning more about the Bible.  One of the topics that interested her was apocalyptic prophecy, so Hal Lindsey's books were part of our home library.  Although my mother didn't embrace millenarian thinking entirely, conversations about eschatology were familiar in our home and within our family.  In particular, my grandfather, a Russian immigrant, believed that the tribulation had begun in Stalinist Russian.

Like so many kids growing up in the 1970's and 1980's in an evangelical context, I was exposed to apocalyptic rhetoric in various settings, including camp meetings, church youth group, Bible study, etc. I remember attending a beach retreat when I was in grade school (probably about 5th grade) with my youth group and screening "A Thief in the Night" after a full day of fun at the beach. What a way to end a day of fun . . . with a good dose of apocalyptic horror.  (Here's a link to a great article about the 40th anniversary of the move.)

I was a very earnest kid.  In fact, probably too earnest, too serious.  And, beginning in the 4th or 5th grade I began having uncontrollable panic attacks, occasions in which I would experience a range of different symptoms, including rapid heart-beat and breathing, a sense of dread, sweats, nervousness, shaking, lowered blood pressure, nausea, faintness, blurred vision, ringing in my ears.  These panic attacks often would lead to fainting.  While I wouldn't link these panic attacks and the depression that accompanied them to the apocalyptic rhetoric that surrounded me, the fear of being "left behind" and not being "right with God" surely did not help my situation. (Watching films was  a trigger for my panic attacks and for a number of years I was excused from watching movies at school for fear that I would faint.)

In 1988, I was very involved with my church, working as a camp counselor for various congregations in our denomination. During this time, a number of people around me began to circulate the little booklet "88 Reasons Why the Rapture Could Be in 1988." While I had some doubts about the book, a part of me believed that it could be true.  I was worried and anxious and . . . I was about to start my first year in college.

This is a picture of me standing by the car that I would take with me to college.  My first week of school corresponded to the week that was supposed to be the end.  I remember be nervous about being away from home, away from my family.  I was confused about why God might choose this particular time in history.  Fact is, I wanted to go to college.  I wanted to experience being away from home.

FYI, the rapture didn't happen in 1988.  

I wasn't disappointed.

But, I did have to rethink my tradition and my understanding of the Bible.

Eventually, when I started a graduate program in New Testament studies, I was not interested in studying Revelation.  I didn't want to touch the book with a 10 foot pole.  I was actually concerned that it might give me panic attacks.  However, after taking a seminar on the text, a seminar which allowed me to think about the text in its historical context, I became fascinated with its imagery.  I became passionate about exploring how a text from the first-century, ostensibly written as a critique of the Roman Empire, could continue to capture the imaginations of readers throughout history.  Why is Revelation so compelling?  How has this poorly written Greek text managed to capture the imaginations of readers throughout history?

My answer begins here: It's the imagery, and the text's ability to conjure the audience's visual imagination.  Among other things of course . . . 

Apocalyptic Wordle

A word cloud based upon a forthcoming article. If you click on the image it will take you to larger version.

exploring the apocalypse one puppy at a time

I enjoy reading blogs. I think they are an interesting way for both author and audience to think about different ideas. I've never kept a personal blog myself, although I've used blogs for teaching. I was afraid a personal blog might make me appear self-absorbed. However, I never think others who have blogs are self-absorbed. It makes me think that my assumption that others would interpret a blog as self-absorbed is actually a self-important assumption. Oh my. So, here I am starting my own blog. And, yes, I am probably self-absorbed. So what?

I hope this will be a place for me to record and possibly share my thoughts on teaching, writing, researching and working within the field of biblical studies. I approach these activities from the perspective of a newly tenured, feminist professor at a mid-size university that values both teaching and scholarship. (Of course, I should include the caveat that nothing I say reflects the opinions of my university: My ideas, in theory, are my own.)

My academic interests are anchored by the Book of Revelation, a book with which I have a long and somewhat ambivalent relationship. (More on that later, I'm sure.) I am especially interested in the ways that Revelation's imagery captures the imaginations of audiences across time and my current research/ writing project examines how certain late-medieval and modern visionary women appropriate the text's bridal imagery. I also have done work on the ways that Revelation participates with Roman social discourse about family, sexuality and gender and I'd love to work this into a book length project. However, I have to remember, "One major project at a time."

My teaching is much more broad than my research. I teach introductory courses on religious studies and the New Testament, both of which I truly enjoy. I love introducing students to the critical study of religion and religious texts. I also have the opportunity to teach a number of more specialized courses, including courses on ancient apocalyptic literature and its interpretations, ancient messianic/ martyr traditions, gender and sexuality in the New Testament and early Christianity, contemporary biblical hermeneutics (e.g. feminist and queer criticism, postcolonial interpretation) and the like. I also regularly co-teach a course in Italy on the ways that Italy's ancient traditions (including religious and artistic traditions) continue to shape the present. I've had the opportunity to write quite a bit about teaching and enjoy thinking about pedagogy. I'm especially interested in using images to engage students in critical thinking about biblical texts and ancient traditions.

I know none of this relates directly to puppies, but I can't imagine not referencing dogs. I'm sure I'll find some way of tying them into the conversation--I'm good at that.